Funny whatsapp Status In English

Dear Food, Either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat 🙂
Interrupt My Sleep & I’Ll Interrupt Your Breathing.
Whenever I Have A Panic Attach I Put A Brown Paper Big Over My Mouth…And Drink All Of The Vodka Inside It Seems To Help.
I miss you like an idiot misses the point.
It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world each day fit exactly the length of newspaper.
Silence doesn’t always mean you’re mad… sometimes it just means you have nothing to say.
You can never buy LUV….But still U have to pay for it ..
Don’t worry about what I’m doing, worry about why you’re worried about what I’m doing.
I was not busy to be online… I had just gave up on my life when I picked up this girls phone and saw my contact name as ‘Free Recharge’
Life is too short. Don’t waste it removing pen drive safely.
Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up. 😀
I love my job only when I am on Holiday…..
Relationship Status: Looking for a WiFi connection.
With Great Power Comes Great Electricity Bill. 
Don’t be happy.I don’t Really forgive people,I just pretend like it’s ok and wait for my turn to destroy them.
I think I got a fever, a fever of you 🙂
Lazy Rule : Can’T Reach It. Don’T Need It.
Sometimes i just wish i’ could fast forward the time to see if in the end it’s all worth it.
Your status won’t ever match my status neither in whatsapp nor in reality..
Hmmmm…..Don’t copy my status.
Never Give Up On Your Dreams. Keep Sleeping.
Dear Lord, there is a bug in your software… it’s called Monday, please fix it.
If People Are Talking About You Behind Your Back, Then Just Fart.
Of course, I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.
we live in the era of smart people and stupid people.
C.L.A.S.S – Come late and start sleeping 🙂
I had to take sick day.I’m sick of those peoples.
If you wish to avoid seeing a fool, you must break your mirror 😀
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough.
If I Had A Dollar For Every Smart Thing You’Ve Said I’D Be Poor. 
Vegetarians, if you want animals to live, why do you eat their food.
Boys think of girls like books; if the cover doesn’t catch their eyes, they won’t even bother to read what’s inside.
I don’t believe that love comes to those who wait. Today love comes to those who flirt. LOLz
If you can’t find the key to success, pick the lock.
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up…
When I Show you a picture on my phone..don’t swipe left.don’t swipe right.Just look.
Coins always make sound but the currency notes are always silent! that’s why I’m always calm and silent…
I Will Slap You So Hard That Even Google Won’T Able To Find You.
Team work is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.
I Am Currently Experiencing Life At The Rate Of 15 Wtf’S Every Hours.
Math Rule: If it seems easy, you’re doing it wrong.
The Four Words A Girl Most Wants To Hear. I Bought You Food.
a lie is just a great story ruined by truth.
God Made Every Person Different. He Got Tired By The Time He Got To China.
I’m not failed, Because my success is lost.!
My Goal This Weekend Is To Move Only Enough So People Know I’M Not Dead.
This is the beginning of the sentence you just finished reading.
Everything Happens For A Reason. But Sometimes The Reason Is That You’Re Stupid And You Make Bad Decision.
Marriage Is A Workshop Where Husband Works & Wife Shops.
Be nice to nerds, they will be your boss one day.